Our year in review
Our most watched video....
Paul recently shared at a gala dinner about this video that Real Talk made nearly 13 years ago. At the time, we hadn’t yet been in any schools showing the seminar. However since this video has been produced, it has been shown to well over 100,000 people and around 2000 different audiences. We think it’s a cool (and very cute) video that celebrates the gift of life.
Real Talk Parents provides the parenting resources that today’s caregivers need!
Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
If you want a quick reference guide for all the tough topics to do with relationships and the digital world, then make sure you checkout our Parents Membership Site.
The Parents Membership Site has short videos, templates and guides and expanded deep dive video content that helps you form respectful young people that understand their dignity and worth.
Consent Education Mandated in Australia
It was announced recently that consent education is to be mandated nationally in Australia. At Real Talk we are relieved over this result and eagerly anticipate the rollout in the Australian Curriculum in 2023. Whilst Australia lags behind some countries on the mandating of this topic, this move is a positive step that will benefit many lives and relationships.
Congratulations to Chanel Contos who’s petition #teachusconsent helped start a wave of necessary attention on the shortcomings of current sexuality education.
As one of the few organisations teaching explicitly on consent we can attest to the massive need to teach even the basics in this area. Below we recap a blog we released last year commentating are some crucial and often missing elements of this topic.
1) START EARLY, START SIMPLE
Ask young people what they understand “consent” to mean? Many young people really don’t understand the basics, so it’s important to start here. In short, consent is an agreement. It’s a “YES,” freely given.
Education on consent should start early, ideally in primary school or earlier, long before a discussion of sexual consent begins. It starts with teaching protective behaviours and body awareness. In simple terms, “It’s MY body, I can say NO.” It involves teaching children that they should speak up when they feel uncomfortable and that it’s okay to say “no.”
Even with teenagers, keep it simple: An absence of a yes means that someone has not consented. Sexual activity without consent, or if someone is unable to consent, is harmful and against the law.
2) CONSENT AND RESPECT GO TOGETHER
There are some popular videos that make consent simple by comparing it to the drinking tea or riding a bike. These videos simplify the idea of consent, which is good, but we need to be careful not to inadvertently give young people the wrong message.
Consent is super important, but it’s not the only consideration for healthy relationships. To teach it as a stand-alone principle, or to suggest that it is “everything” or “simple”, can sometimes inadvertently steer education processes to poor decision making principles.
Put simply, if John wants to perform a sexual act on Sally, and Sally consents, this doesn’t necessarily mean this is a good idea for John or Sally. If John is in a relationship with Jenny, then getting together with Sally is probably going to cause a lot of hurt. If John is just using Sally, but he doesn’t really care about her, then that isn’t healthy either. Even when consent is present, an act can still be harmful and lacking in the dignity that both the sexual act and the people involve deserve.
Christians and many other traditions believe people have an extreme dignity. Because human beings have dignity, we deserve love. Because people deserve love, we should show respect. Because we need to show people respect, consent is super important. We show respect by prioritising consent.
When consent is taught it needs to be taught as a way to show respect – for self and for others. When consent is not understood in light of the principles of love, respect and dignity, something important is missing.
3) WE NEED TO EDUCATE ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY
If we want to teach about sexual consent, it’s essential that we are also educating young people about the dangers of pornography. Almost every young person is exposed to pornography and usually long before they become sexually active.
Pornographic material almost always misrepresents the concept of consent or lacks it entirely. In porn, sex is separated from intimacy, people are treated like objects, and unhealthy gender imbalances are reinforced. It is by far the most corrosive curriculum for sexual relationships, but the research tells us that it has become the dominant educator on sexual matters. Pornography is being consumed weekly by most Australian young people.
4) CULTURE CHANGE TAKES TIME
As a country, we have recognised recently that we need to start the conversation and improve education on the topic of consent. However, culture change takes time.
In the absence of healthy rites of initiation, fumbling your way through early sexual encounters has almost become a rite of passage in our culture.
A few years ago, Rugby League player Sam Thiaday was interviewed after his team’s win in a State of Origin match. When asked about the match, he said, “It was a bit like losing your virginity, it wasn't very nice, but we got the job done." This is the kind of role model our young men are looking up to. We must continue to unwind the cultural portrayal of sex and the pernicious masculine mindset that exists around casual sex, sexual initiation and entitlement.
In addition to this, we need to acknowledge that young people are sexually curious and deep down, they just want to belong. They want to do what they think their peers are doing, and todays social media is peer pressure on steroids. Throw in porn, hormones, alcohol and drugs, and the waters of consent have been totally muddied.
Millions of young people are swimming in a sea of confusion. Let’s make sure we don’t just finger point. It’s time to clean up the ocean.
5) WE NEED TO BE EMPATHETIC LISTENERS WHEN CONSENT ISSUES ARISE
When issues like consent become hot topics of discussion, it can be easy to forget about the individuals whose lives have been profoundly impacted by consent issues and sexual abuse. When confronting this topic, we need to always remain people-focused and be empathetic listeners.
The positive side of the last couple of years (including Grace Tame being the 2021 Australian of the year) is that people’s stories are finally getting heard. We need to listen. In our work, members of the Real Talk team have heard many of these stories. We know firsthand how it changes you to hear a person tell their story and to see the impact it has had on their lives. Being heard is just the beginning of a person’s healing journey. Listening provides a baseline for future education.
Right now, as a society, we stand at a crossroads. Each of us has a part to play in changing our culture around consent for the better. Compulsory consent education will be a big part of the solution. When you’re educating your young people about consent, be sure to keep these five things in mind.
Want more consent videos and resources. Click HERE!
5 Things You Need to Know When Educating About Consent
Consent has been a hot topic in the media in recent weeks. This attention has largely come about because of a petition launched by Former Sydney school student, Chanel Contos, which advocates for improved education around consent. Already, the petition has collected over 36,000 signatures.
Here at Real Talk, we have welcomed this increased attention on the important topics of consent and respect. Sadly, many commentators are missing some crucial elements of this topic.
Every year we speak to tens of thousands of students about sex and relationships. In our experience, there are 5 crucial (but often overlooked) points about consent that every educator should know:
1) START EARLY, START SIMPLE
Ask young people what they understand “consent” to mean? Many young people really don’t understand the basics, so it’s important to start here. In short, consent is an agreement. It’s a “YES,” freely given.
Education on consent should start early, ideally in primary school or earlier, long before a discussion of sexual consent begins. It starts with teaching protective behaviours and body awareness. In simple terms, “It’s MY body, I can say NO.” It involves teaching children that they should speak up when they feel uncomfortable and that it’s okay to say “no.”
Even with teenagers, keep it simple: An absence of a yes means that someone has not consented. Sexual activity without consent, or if someone is unable to consent, is harmful and against the law.
2) CONSENT AND RESPECT GO TOGETHER
There are some popular videos that make consent simple by comparing it to the drinking tea or riding a bike. These videos simplify the idea of consent, which is good, but we need to be careful not to inadvertently give young people the wrong message.
Consent is super important, but it’s not the only consideration for healthy relationships. To teach it as a stand-alone principle or to suggest that it is “everything”, as the very popular Tea and Consent video does, is dangerous and can lead to unhealthy outcomes.
Put simply, if John wants to perform a sexual act on Sally, and Sally consents, this doesn’t necessarily mean this is a good idea for John or Sally. If John is in a relationship with Jenny, then getting together with Sally is probably going to cause a lot of hurt. If John is just using Sally, but he doesn’t really care about him, then that isn’t healthy either. Even when consent is present, an act can still be harmful and lacking in the dignity that both the sexual act and the people deserve.
Christians and many other traditions believe people have an extreme dignity. Because human beings have dignity, we deserve love. Because people deserve love, we should show them respect. Because we need to show people respect, consent is super important. We show respect by prioritising consent.
When consent is taught it needs to be taught as a way to show respect – for self and for others. When consent is not understood in light of the principles of love, respect and dignity, something important is missing.
3) WE NEED TO EDUCATE ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY
If we want to teach about sexual consent, it’s essential that we are also educating young people about the dangers of pornography. Almost every young person is exposed to pornography and usually long before they become sexually active.
Pornographic material almost always misrepresents the concept of consent or lacks it entirely. In porn, sex is separated from intimacy, people are treated like objects, and unhealthy gender imbalances are reinforced. It is by far the most corrosive curriculum for sexual relationships, but the research tells us that it has become the dominant educator on sexual matters. Pornography is being consumed daily or weekly by most Australian young men.
4) CULTURE CHANGE TAKES TIME
As a country, we have recognised recently that we need to start the conversation and improve education on the topic of consent. However, culture change takes time.
In the absence of healthy rites of initiation, fumbling your way through early sexual encounters has almost become a rite of passage in our culture.
A few years ago, Rugby League player Sam Thiaday was interviewed after his team’s win in a State of Origin match. When asked about the match, he said, “It was a bit like losing your virginity, it wasn't very nice, but we got the job done." This is the kind of role model our young men are looking up to. We will not unwind the cultural portrayal of sex or current masculine mindset quickly.
In addition to this, young people are sexually curious and deep down, they just want to belong. They want to do what they think their peers are doing, and todays social media is peer pressure on steroids. Throw in porn, hormones, alcohol and drugs, and the waters of consent have been totally muddied.
Millions of young people are swimming in a sea of confusion. Let’s make sure we don’t just finger point. It’s time to clean up the ocean.
5) WE NEED TO BE EMPATHETIC LISTENERS WHEN CONSENT ISSUES ARISE
When issues like consent become hot topics of discussion, it can be easy to forget about the individuals whose lives have been profoundly impacted by consent issues and sexual abuse. When confronting this topic, we need to always remain people-focused and be empathetic listeners.
The positive effect of this renewed focus on consent over the past few weeks is that people’s stories are finally getting heard. We need to listen. In our work, members of the Real Talk team have heard many of these stories. We know firsthand how it changes you to hear a person tell their story and to see the impact it has had on their lives. Being heard is just the beginning of a person’s healing journey. Listening provides a baseline for future education.
Right now, as a society, we stand at a crossroads. Each of us has a part to play in changing our culture around consent for the better. Education will be a big part of the solution. When you’re educating your young people about consent, be sure to keep these 5 things in mind.
Want more consent videos and resources. Click HERE!
A Day in the Life of a Real Talk Presenter!
Ever wondered what a typical day looks like for our presenters? Sam, Amber & Ged filmed a recent trip to South Australia, check it out!
Click the video below to watch our presenting day at St Ignatius College.
Announcing Real Talk Education!
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic and the restrictions that have been put in place, Real Talk has been unable to present in schools over the past two months. This has been a challenging time for our organisation, but it has also given us an exciting opportunity to develop new resources.
Today, we’re excited to announce the launch of realtalkeducation.org! Real Talk Education is our answer to the hundreds of requests we have received from schools over the last 10 years to provide in-depth resources on the topics of personal wellbeing, relationships and sexuality.
On this new online education platform, educators can access lesson plans and resources to help them educate on these challenging topics. We are proud to present our first release, “Flourish,” for Yr 5-7 students. For a limited time, educators can access 2 of the 25 lessons that make up this program absolutely free by clicking HERE.
6 Things You Can Do to Strengthen Relationships during COVID-19
COVID-19 has changed our schools, our supermarkets, and our day-to-day lives. It’s also changed our relationships.
Chances are, there are friends and family members that you’re really missing right now, because you no longer get to see them as often and you normally would. There might also be family members that you feel like you’ve seen too much of, because you’re now stuck in a house with them all day!
But even though our relationships have changed, they aren’t any less important. Here are 6 things you do to strengthen relationships during COVID-19.
1. Check in on people
Especially the extroverts – we’re not ok! But seriously, I’ve made and received more social phone calls the last week than I did all of last year, and it has been awesome.
You’ve probably heard that proverb “a problem shared is a problem halved,” and it’s true! Psychological research has found that sharing your feelings with someone can minimise the levels of stress that you feel.
While sharing what’s going on with someone else might not change the situation, it’s crazy how much it can improve our perspective. So, if you haven’t already, pick up your phone and check in on a family member or friend. We all need each other right now.
2. Find New Ways to Connect
Even though we’re social distancing, there are still plenty of ways to connect with each other. During the past couple of weeks, the Real Talk team have been keeping a lively group chat going, along with plenty of video calls.
It’s not quite the same as being together in person, but it’s still an opportunity to share how we’re going, tell funny stories about life at home, and encourage each other.
What are some ways you can connect with friends and family right now? Maybe it’s as simple as a phone call, but it could something more creative – you could have a virtual dinner date, drop a walkie-talkie to your neighbours, or even play games together online.
3. Brighten Someone’s Day
It feels like every time we turn on the TV or log into social media, all we’re getting is bad news. In the midst of these dark clouds, it can make a big difference in someone’s life if you find a way to brighten their day.
One idea would be to share funny videos or memes in a group chat. A few days ago, one of the Real Talk team shared a great example in the group chat of her baby laughing hysterically every time she made a funny noise. It was a great moment that we never would have experienced if we hadn’t all been working from home.
Another idea would be writing a letter or putting together a care package to send in the mail. It doesn’t matter how old you are, getting something fun in the mail is always a good time. Some rest homes have even launched a “Connecting Generations” program recently, inviting kids to send letters to their elderly residents.
Be on the lookout for little ways to brighten up someone’s day. You might be surprised as just how much it improves your mood as well.
4. Play Games Together
If you’re self-isolating in a house with 3 or more people, you’re one of the lucky ones. As a Real Talk presenter who usually has to travel a lot, I’m thrilled to be getting some quality time at home with my wife. But it’s just the two of us, and two people does not a great boardgame night make!
So, if you’ve got the numbers for some solid boardgame action right now, make the most of it. Or, if Monopoly isn’t your cup of tea, find other games that you can play.
One game that’s keeping a lot of families entertained at the moment is by going on a bear hunt. People all over the country are placing teddy bears in their front windows for people to find. Assemble your “hunting party” and see how many bears you can locate around your neighbourhood.
5. Celebrate a Weird Holiday Together
Check out daysoftheyear.com to find out what to celebrate today. I can promise you that it will be something that is equal parts fun and ridiculous.
World Baking Day? Pull out your baking trays and make some cupcakes. Hug Your Cat Day? Reasonably straightforward. Indoor picnic day? Put some blankets down in the living room, eat some strawberries, and enjoy the air-conditioning. Outdoor picnics are so 2019 anyway.
6. Find Ways to Help Others
One consequence of COVID-19 is that some of the people in our lives need a bit of extra help right now. So, what can you do to lend a hand?
One of our Real Talk team spent three hours on the phone to his mum the other night, helping her set up video chat so that she can still see her friends and family while she’s in isolation.
Maybe you can provide similar tech assistance, or you could run to the store for an elderly neighbour who can’t go him/herself right now, or even donate food to your local foodbank. Even though this time is challenging for a lot of people, it’s also a great opportunity to come together.
Conclusion
With all the social distancing measures in place, it’s easy to feel isolated. But if we’re willing to put in a bit of extra effort, there’s a lot we can do to strength our relationships. We might have to stand at least two metres apart, but that doesn’t mean we can’t reach out to each other with love.
6 Ways You Can Improve Yourself During COVID-19
In the back of my mind, I’ve got a to-do list. On it, are written things like “learn a language”, “take an astronomy class” and “figure out how to code.” If I had to give this list a name, it would be “Things I Want to Do To Improve Myself, But Never Have Time For.”
But all of a sudden, I’m stuck at home with plenty of time on my hands to start working through my list. Hopefully, you’ve got a similar list already. But if not, here are 6 ways you can improve yourself during COVID-19.
1. Create Something
If you love to draw, or write, or interpretive ribbon dance, but you always feel like you’ve never got time, now you do. Make the most of it!
There are going to be two types of people during this pandemic. There are going to be those who sit on their couches, watch Netflix, and consume, consume, consume all day. And there are going to be people who pull out their pens, dust off their paintbrushes, and create something. Be a creator, not a consumer.
The Real Talk team are going to be taking our own advice and we’ll be writing a few more posts on the Real Talk blog over the coming weeks, but we want to see all the weird and wonderful things you create as well!
2. Keep Active
Now that we’re spending lots of time at home in front of our screens, exercise is more important than ever. In addition to keeping fit and healthy, regular physical activity has a lot of other benefits as well. It can improve our mood, help us sleep better, and make us feel like we’ve accomplished something.
You might be missing being out on the sports field with your team-mates, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stay active! Grab your running shoes and go for a walk or run around the neighbourhood. Otherwise, jump online and check out all of the free exercise videos and classes you can find on websites like YouTube.
3. Learn a New Skill
One of the fantastic things about our digital world is that there are some many great resources online for learning. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to code, or speak a different language, or play every Disney movie song on the recorder.
Even if you’ve got no previous experience, here are countless guides, videos and podcasts that can teach you how to get started.
In addition to learning the new skill itself, you’ll probably learn some important lessons about perseverance, honing your craft, and your own potential.
4. Invest in Relationships
One of the best ways to improve ourselves is to improve our relationships with other people.
Right now might be the perfect opportunity to spend some time with a family member that you don’t normally see as often, because they’re at school or work. You could even invite them to join in your online ribbon-dancing class!
We can’t see most of our friends and family members in person, but there are plenty of other ways to keep in touch.
Remember that social distancing is purely physical. I’s still really important that we are connecting with each other, spending time together, and finding little ways to brighten each other’s day.
5. Take a Break From the News and Social Media
With all the information about COVID-19 on the news and on social media, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s totally normal to being feeling stressed, anxious or upset right now, but one way to mitigate these feelings is by taking a break from the news and social media.
It’s understandable to want to keep informed, but constantly reading or watching staff about COVID can intensify our negative emotions. If we want to improve ourselves, it’s important that we set good boundaries around news and social media consumption.
This could take the form of limiting the amount of time you spend checking the news, committing to only checking social media once each day, or even having days that are completely news and social media free.
6. Set Some Goals
COVID-19 has given us the first pause in our busy lives that we’ve had for a long, long time. Chances are, you’re not going to have this much uninterrupted time at home again until you retire! So, what are you going to do with it?
Take the time over the next day or two to set some goals. What new skill do you want to pursue? What are you going to create? How are you going to spend this quality time with love ones?
Don’t waste this opportunity.
5 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship With God During COVID-19
The world we’re living in right now looks pretty different to the world of two months ago. But one thing that hasn’t changed is God.
God still loves us, He still has a plan for our lives, and He wants us to draw closer to Him during this crisis. Here are 5 things you can do to improve your relationship with God during COVID-19.
1. Constant Communication
Think for a moment about your best friend. Now imagine that the two of you never spoke. You didn’t celebrate moments of success together or turn to each other in times of need. Chances are, your relationship would fizzle out pretty quick.
Because solid relationships need solid communication – and the same is true for our relationship with God. If we want to improve our relationship with God, we need to communicate with Him through prayer.
If you’ve never really carved out time in your day to pray before, start small. When you wake up, invite God into your day and ask him to bless it. When you go to sleep, reflect on the day and thank God for it.
Try to find at least 10 minutes sometime during the day to just talk to God. If you’re not sure how, just tell him what’s on your mind – share your worries, your uncertainties, the areas of your life where you really need his grace.
2. Find Silence
God wants to speak to us, but often, our lives are too busy and too noisy to hear His voice. What we need is silence.
For thousands of years, men and women called “hermits” have left their ordinary lives and journeyed into the desert to find solitude and silence. With everything shutting down because of COVID-19, suddenly we can find that same silence right in our homes (as long as we remember to put our phones on do-not-disturb!).
Try to make a few minutes for silence each day. It might feel a bit uncomfortable – we usually aren’t used to silence in our day-to-day lives! But God is waiting for us in the quiet.
3. Read the Bible
While God speaks through silence, the other big way that He communicates with us is through His Word, the Bible. No matter what’s going on in your life right now, no matter how you’re feeling, God has something to say to you.
If you’re struggling with fear or anxiety, read John 14:27 “Peace I leave you, my peace I give you. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
If you’re lonely, read Hebrews 13:5 “God has said “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
If you feel like you’re not strong enough for whatever life has thrown at you, Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
If you want to improve your relationship with God, open your Bible every day. Again, start small, and just spend a few minutes each day reading a particular chapter.
4. Attend a Church Service Online
For the first time in many of our lives, we can’t attend church in-person each Sunday. There’s no more crowded pews, no more worship band, and no more catching up with friends afterwards over lukewarm tea and biscuits.
But that doesn’t mean that we can’t attend church at all. Many churches have quickly made the move to online services. Even if your church hasn’t, you can definitely join with another congregation that has.
Even though watching church through a screen isn’t quite the same, try to join in as much as you can. Stand up when you normally would to sing and worship. Bow your head in prayer. Listen and take notes during the sermon. We might not be able to be together in person, but we can still worship together in spirit.
5. Find Ways to Connect with Your Community
The author John Donne once wrote that “No man is an island” and that’s definitely true in the context of our faith. We aren’t meant to do faith alone. We need a place to go to share our successes, to get support when we are struggling, and to pray together. We need a community.
While we can’t gather together in person at the moment, we can still find other ways to connect with one another.
Recently, the Real Talk team gathered over a Zoom video call to pray. We read a passage from the Bible, we listened to some worship music, and we shared any prayer intentions we had. It felt pretty different to our usual in-person team prayer, but it was still are great to connect with each other and with God.
Conclusion
In the midst of everything changing right now, our one constant will always be God. He wants to draw close to us, through all the uncertainty, stress and even boredom. The best thing we can do right now is invest in our relationship with Him!